an aussie in austria

I didn’t expect Sam’s birthday to make me sad.

In hindsight, I should have. My birthday and friends’ birthdays always make me sad. But it never occurred to me that Sam’s would. I guess I thought I didn’t care that much. He was only turning two. He’s barely aware what a birthday is. He was more overwhelmed by the presents, the food, the attention… and yet…

Tears came to my eyes. I had to excuse myself and walk away.

Because it was what was missing.

It was the extravagant Women’s Weekly Cookbook cakes that were such a big part of my childhood.

It was his other grandparents, his cousins, who wouldn’t be there to wish him a happy day.

It was the realisation that his birthday traditions would be different from mine. Maybe only slightly, but different all the same. And even if I try to instil my traditions into him, there’s a big chance they’ll get rejected. I can just hear it now. We don’t do that here, Mum. That’s weird.

I wanted to mark the day in my own way. Not with a flashy present, cause that’s not really my style. So I made him a cake. Because I don’t remember even half of the presents I got as a child, but I do remember looking back at old photos and being excited to see what my birthday cakes were like. And even though I’m aching to make the classic swimming pool, I don’t think he’d appreciate it yet. So it was a simple banana cake (an actual cake, not just banana with a candle in it like last year), in the shape of a two. And it turned out ok. And importantly, he loved eating it.

I made him a cake. I gave him a hug. I took him to the petting zoo the day before and promised that every year for his birthday we would do something together. I told him I was glad he was in our lives. And I meant it.

So perhaps in our little Austrian-Australian family there will be new traditions to keep the smile on my face and leave the past in the past. And when the time comes he can pick his own extravagant cake, and I’ll be there to make it. And if he doesn’t want one… well then I’ll probably just have a cry and treat myself to one on my birthday!