I don’t come from a large family. I was never exposed to lots of kids when I was younger. I don’t much like them, as I’ve already explained.
I wondered if my view would change when I got pregnant. If I would suddenly be overcome with the ‘miracle growing inside me’. Yeah… sorry, but ew. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful because I know there are many women the world over struggling with infertility and that makes me one of the lucky ones. But I can’t deny that I personally don’t love the idea that there’s something growing inside me I was never under any illusions about what being pregnant would be like, and I always figured it was unlikely that I was going to suddenly become enthralled by tiny clothes or drooling kids. I see a dog, I grin from ear to ear, I see a child, and I cross the street!
Immigration is a big topic in Austria. Let’s be honest, it’s a big topic almost everywhere, and one of those places, is Australia. I grew up in a multi-cultural boiling pot complete with all the challenges that come with a mixing of different cultures, sprinkled with racism and the natural tendency to gravitate toward people that look and act like you do. In the time that I’ve been in Austria the immigration debate has just gotten hotter, with scores of people attempting to escape violence or just seeking a better life for their families. I like to imagine that my perspective is more rational because I grew up in a country that was already rife with these problems. But who knows. Let’s not forget the fact, that as a white Australian, I am technically an immigrant to my own country. I am not actually native. My ancestors are English prisoners… that essentially stole the land from the aborigines.
I have a confession. Babies freak me out. They’re small, and all-knowing and annoying in the way they can’t take care of themselves.
I’m also not completely comfortable with pregnant women. I see them out and about, trundling around with a huge bump in front of them… carrying a living creature! Growing one! They do it like they have no care in the world. Like it’s a completely normal thing. Which, let’s be honest, it is.
So the news that I’m pregnant might come as a bit of a surprise. I’m currently one of those freaky women walking around with a bump, with a freaky living creature inside me, that will turn into an actual squealing, unable to look after itself, baby.
And this was no accident. I actively made this happen.
I’m usually a fairly optimistic person. But I have been a bit down lately, as many of you read in my recent blog posts. But I have to say a big thank you, to everyone that reached out to give me a bit of love and support, and reminded me that it is all going to be ok. Because it is going to be ok.
I was already feeling more positive… the sun was shining, the weather was warming up… and despite the fact that the world was still being super crazy, I was doing ok at letting go of things out of my control.
And then suddenly I found myself on a plane to Australia.