I think I’m the only one still wearing a mask…

Eating outside during Covid

Covid? What’s Covid? Oh that awful thing that plagued us for two years and is now… gone? Except it’s not gone… and though we’ve enjoyed a deliciously warm early start to summer here in Austria, it’s not even really trying to hide. Luckily, it has wound itself down so it’s not causing the kind of mayhem it did previously. But it’s still causing plenty of disruptions.

I know that if it hits me everything will be fine. But still, being pregnant I’m being extra careful.  Because the numbers, despite the good weather, are a lot higher than they were this time last year. And I just need to get through two or so more weeks. So yeah, I’m still wearing my mask. I’m still social distancing.

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What are you having?

The question on everyone’s lips right now is… what are you having… boy or girl? Actually, we don’t know. Apparently we’re among the very few these days who don’t find out. For me, I just don’t really care. I can wait. I don’t mind what colour it wears or even what it wears – I figure that’s onesies for the first little while anyway.

I didn’t need other people to know and I also didn’t want to be one of those people that did the we know but we’re not telling anyone. Possibly because I’d inadvertently say he or she and let the cat out of the bag. In Austria the article for baby is ‘das’ – it. So that’s just easier. Though I do move between the three and confuse people no end.

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Let’s be honest, I don’t love being pregnant

Not aperol

Being pregnant… well to be honest it actually kind of sux.

We think we shouldn’t complain. Because everyone does it, right? Plenty of women go through this. When we’re asked how we are, we’re doing ok – it could be worse. When someone tries to help us we say “Leave me alone, I’m pregnant, not dying.” I think part of the reason for this is that we want to maintain our independence. We want to be ok. We want to be able to do all the things we can normally do. We don’t want to appear weak.  

But the thing is, although we are certainly not dying, we are busy. Our bodies are working much harder than they usually do. Everyday tasks can be more difficult, can take longer than normal, and there’s this low level of discomfort all the time, I think no matter how easy your pregnancy is. There’s also this low level fear… what if I do something that compromises the baby, even unknowingly or unwillingly.

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When to tell…

Dinner in Australia

When to reveal to the outside world that you’re pregnant is always a hot topic. Before it happened to me, I’d always considered myself pretty pro about telling people I was pregnant early on… my close family and friends, at least. While I understand the reasons not to, in the event a miscarriage, which happens far more than most realise, I don’t think it’s something I could deal with without my besties.

But strangely, when I did finally get pregnant, for a long time I didn’t want to tell anyone.

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So… you’re pregnant

Before I got pregnant, I’d run through a multitude of scenarios in my mind about how it would make me feel. While I was hoping it would happen, I wasn’t sure what the prominent emotion would be. Would I be suddenly overcome with joy? Would I simply feel relief that it had finally happened? Would I burst into uncontrollable tears lasting days as I grieved the loss of my childfree life?

In the end, I think it was mostly shock. When the two lines came up I just thought to myself, right, that’s done then. It was a Friday so I wasn’t working, but it was a busy one, so I just got on with my day. But I didn’t feel any different. And it didn’t really sink in.

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If I’m not maternal now… I guess I’m never going to be

I don’t come from a large family. I was never exposed to lots of kids when I was younger. I don’t much like them, as I’ve already explained.

I wondered if my view would change when I got pregnant. If I would suddenly be overcome with the ‘miracle growing inside me’. Yeah… sorry, but ew. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful because I know there are many women the world over struggling with infertility and that makes me one of the lucky ones. But I can’t deny that I personally don’t love the idea that there’s something growing inside me I was never under any illusions about what being pregnant would be like, and I always figured it was unlikely that I was going to suddenly become enthralled by tiny clothes or drooling kids. I see a dog, I grin from ear to ear, I see a child, and I cross the street!

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