Being pregnant… well to be honest it actually kind of sux.
We think we shouldn’t complain. Because everyone does it, right? Plenty of women go through this. When we’re asked how we are, we’re doing ok – it could be worse. When someone tries to help us we say “Leave me alone, I’m pregnant, not dying.” I think part of the reason for this is that we want to maintain our independence. We want to be ok. We want to be able to do all the things we can normally do. We don’t want to appear weak.
But the thing is, although we are certainly not dying, we are busy. Our bodies are working much harder than they usually do. Everyday tasks can be more difficult, can take longer than normal, and there’s this low level of discomfort all the time, I think no matter how easy your pregnancy is. There’s also this low level fear… what if I do something that compromises the baby, even unknowingly or unwillingly.
I haven’t had a bad pregnancy. Not really. The first five or so months were pretty awful due to my back, but that was always a separate issue. So far everything else has been smooth sailing (touch wood), and my symptoms have been mild, compared to what some others go through. But that doesn’t mean that sometimes I am just so sick of it. One of my doctors asked me at one point how I was feeling, and my answer, “I’m doing ok, but I’d feel better if I wasn’t pregnant,” made him laugh a little in surprise. I didn’t mean I didn’t want to be pregnant, only that being not-pregnant is much easier. Because being pregnant, even in an easy one like mine, kind of feels like being a little bit sick, all the time. There’s never a time where I feel 100% normal. There’s a weird taste in my mouth, or some slight nausea, or I’m getting kicked, or I can’t find a comfortable spot to be in, or I’ve got heartburn, or all the other things that happen.
In my naïve mind I was going to be a cool pregnant person. I was going to keep running and drink wine occasionally and screw all the weird food rules! Due to my back I became a crippled pregnant person, and that left me pretty low. I haven’t touched alcohol (apart from the tiniest of sips in recent weeks) because it made my stomach churn, and although I am pretty easy going about the whole food thing, is that piece of prosciutto really worth it? Damn it! I’ll just stare longingly at it with my mouth watering.
Pregnancy can be ok. But it can also be, at times, utterly exhausting. In those first 12 weeks where morning sickness usually hits the hardest, we’re also trying to keep it a secret from those not close to us. We’re dashing to the bathroom between work meetings, smiling through tiredness and fitting in extra doctor’s appointments like a ninja. We’re forcing ourselves to be business as usual and maintain an outward level of normalcy, even though…
…we’re growing babies! Our partners should be looking after us better than ever before. And mine, thankfully, is a dream (thanks, honey). I almost haven’t cooked a meal since I got pregnant. He’s taken over the majority of the cleaning and he’s all in on the baby preparations.
So I can’t really complain, because some people have it so much worse than me. Right? Well, here’s my little gripe. I’d happily not go through this again. I am never going to be one of those women who said I loved being pregnant. Which again, is ok.
And it’ll be over soon, and I’ll move onto not complaining about my lovely, sweet (vomiting, screaming) cherub. 😉