I’m usually a fairly optimistic person. But I have been a bit down lately, as many of you read in my recent blog posts. But I have to say a big thank you, to everyone that reached out to give me a bit of love and support, and reminded me that it is all going to be ok. Because it is going to be ok.
I was already feeling more positive… the sun was shining, the weather was warming up… and despite the fact that the world was still being super crazy, I was doing ok at letting go of things out of my control.
And then suddenly I found myself on a plane to Australia.
And having arrived, I’m still in a bit of shock (amongst the fog of jet lag) that I’m actually here. It feels surreal.
Two weeks ago I raged and then made peace with the fact that I wasn’t going to see my friends and family back home in the foreseeable future. But somehow it feels like two weeks ago everything was different.
When the topic resurfaced I baulked at the idea. Don’t bring this up again. I’ve made peace with it. The window is closed. But then I realised that the window was still open. Because if I went almost right away, I could get back before hitting the ‘do not fly’ zone of week 29, and still have almost 4 weeks of holiday.
It’s not like I came to Australia to escape the war. But tension is high in Europe, nobody knows what’s going to happen, and the worst case scenario there is a lot worse than the worst case scenarios I was contemplating a few weeks ago. And one thing that has become even clearer is that you never know what’s going to happen. Things can change in the blink of an eye. I’m having a baby, Covid continues to mutate, and the war… well who knows. So if this is the chance I have, to get to see my family, and it also means getting away from Europe for a few weeks, then perhaps it’s a chance I should take. So I gulped hard, cried a little bit, winced at the cost of booking air travel that someone with back problems has to pay, and here I am.
It still feels surreal.
But it feels right – even though a few weeks ago I made a very conscious and informed decision not to fly to Australia – something changed.
My back didn’t love the long travel day it took to get here. But if physically I’m not doing the best, mentally I’m thriving. And that can only be a good thing.
I’m not considering worst case scenarios. I’m just going to enjoy the time I have. Assuming all things run smooth, I’ll be back on a plane in three weeks, heading home, feeling re-energised and with a month of work to go before maternity leave. All that will remain of my trip will be a handful of smiles left in Australia and all the discontent I offloaded. And I feel a hell of a light lighter already!