I’ve already mentioned that as part of my maternity leave I am also studying German. And in the beginning, everything was going well. The course takes me through all levels from A1-C1, and since I’d previously completed up to B1, and lived here for ten years, I figured it would a simple matter of focusing on the two upper levels and breezing through. I would be a pro in a year, I thought stupidly, like all the other times I thought improving my German would be easy.
So I started breezing through it, and sure, it got difficult, but in an almost fun, challenging kind of way. But then came the challenging – why the hell did I sign up for this – part. It hit me when I began B1, which I’d apparently already mastered, and it’s not letting up. Grammar, grammar and more grammar. I had previously been completing ten or so modules a week and all of a sudden I was stuck on one FOR A WHOLE MONTH.
I guess it’s to be expected. When you reach the top-level details of a language it’s all about nuance and speaking more eloquently. It’s horrible. It’s humbling. It’s depressing. I cried a lot. I swore I would quit. I swore I would refuse to speak any more German. After all, the amount of English in the area increases all the time.
The thing is, I think I have to come to terms with it. The fact that I will never feel truly comfortable with this language to the extent I do English. And that means I will never fully integrate. I will never truly feel at home. I guess I can’t compare something I’ve done for ten years to something I grew up doing; something I’d done for over 30 years prior; something second nature.
But it’s hard to face. Because I just want the simple things. I want to be able to understand the old dude’s throw away comment when I’m out walking. I want to be able to sit at a table of Austrians drinking spritzers and have a nice chat without feeling like crying at some point.
Still, the tunnel is brightening. Because as I write this I am about to finish all the grammar lessons that the course offers. It’s not to say I understand them all. It’s not to say I am even close to finishing the course because now there’s putting it all into practice. Learning a language is hard. So I’ll keep slogging on, even though some days I don’t want to, and who knows where I’ll be at the end of it all!
an aussie in austria 
I can relate to this struggle! I studied French at school, then university, and have lived in France and now teach it, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel *as* comfortable in it as I do with English. Learning Spanish as an adult has made me appreciate how many ‘quick wins’ there are in the early stages of language learning… and just how much effort goes into reaching those upper levels!
You’re so right about the quick wins in the beginning! You feel like you’re doing great then there’s this long plateau. But I guess the answer is just keep practising!